This may be a vent session, but as your favorite UNfluencer, I just have to burst yet another bubble of illusion. Just like Instagram is not real life (we know this), having a ring on your left rig finger does not mean you have all the answers to life and relationships. I feel like there’s a misconception that once a girl gets engaged, the ring is a crystal ball of sorts: she has a million amazing friends, she is an expert wedding planner with a million dollars, and she never fights with her person. Can I just debunk all of those?
For as long as I remember, I saw engaged couples, married people, and long term relationship-keepers as some sort of super heroes. Like, if they can stay together, they must know some secret that I can’t reach. I put WAY too much people letting these people be my #Goals. Totally misplaced faith. Can I just tell you, really honestly, that I have just as many answers to the secrets of the universe as I did when I was a girlfriend AND as I did when I was single. Sure, I’ve learned how to fight better with Shawn, but we still fight.
I’ve had a few gal pals ask me for guidance or mentorship, and I’m THRILLED to help them because I wan’t to scream from the rooftops: IT’S OKAY TO NOT KNOW!!!
Getting nervous to sign a legally binding contract to spend forever with a man does NOT mean you’re making a bad decision. Wanting to spend time alone doesn’t mean you’re doomed to be alone forever. Feeling social burnout from too much time with new friends is okay, and feeling a full spectrum of emotion in your life chapters is something we were created to do. It’s okay to disagree and express hurt to your people.
I’m all for offering help, guidance, and a person to walk with you through things I’ve seen and done. But I just needed to share that I don’t have the answers. I can’t count the times I’ve told someone, “I’ve never been through this (emotion/ chapter/ situation) before” in the course of these past few months. If I know anything, it’s that the people in situations I once admired have just as few answers as I do.
I think that’s humanizing.