It’s finally October, y’all. I’m actually typing this outside, after I spent my morning drinking coffee out of a cauldron mug and watching Casper (because how else is a girl supposed to celebrate the greatest month of the year?). But really, this month has had a really special vibe of excitement for a few years, and I honestly thought I wasn’t going to experience that vibe this year. Boy, I was wrong.
For those that don’t know, the excitement came from the Miss Mississippi USA pageant, and I thought I was deferring for a year or two or a hundred. Mama didn’t raise a quitter, but she did raise a “pageant addict”. (Those are her words, not mine.)
I was really conflicted about whether this was a good idea, but I really do believe in gut-feelings, and I had a gut-feeling that this would be a right choice, even if it is extremely last-minute. Everything fell miraculously into place, even though I had minimal time to get all of my rhinestone ducks in a row. Honestly, for a few days after I actually signed up, I was basically the embodiment of a facepalm meme. What did I get myself into? I have 6 weeks to do 3 months of work.
I spent some time in prayer, and I honestly came across this killer scripture, and I mean ‘killer’ like it killed all the doubts I had about whether or not I made a hasty mistake.
“Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence” Hebrews 4:16.
Okay, let me explain how this killed those doubts for me. In the USA system, we are called to be CONFIDENTLY beautiful, and in this day and age, that can be kind of tough. A lot of the times, we’re more inclined to feel comfortable being that passive beauty that One Direction (RIP) talks about. The kind where we’re timid, keep our head down and don’t have any idea that we’re beautiful at all. We think that’s preferrable, but this is a system who calls its participants to own up to their beautiful qualities– inside and out. This is a system of goal-oriented women, as most pageants are. All of pageantry is up for interpretation, I suppose, but that is honestly why I’m so “addicted” to them, and I’ll bet any pageant girl will agree. We all have in common that we have this type of drive that isn’t necessarily rare, but it can be hard to own up to and summon. We are called, as contestants, to be educated and have an opinion… (and I swear if you bring up that “like” and “such as” on-stage question incident….)
Also, God calls us up to His ACTUAL THRONE.. like, the place where The King of the Universe sits and Rules over EVERYTHING. He doesn’t call us to crawl up to the throne. He doesn’t call us to approach His throne of grace meekly, or self-consciously. He wants us to approach Him, to run up to Him with confidence. Because that is grace that is sufficient for us. He calls us to ask Him for what our souls desire, and that’s an instense thing in itself. He is capable of providing us with more than we could ever think to ask, and He calls us up to Him to give Him our best shot.
You know, reading that kind of calling gave me a reassurance. I was created with a purpose, as we all are. And I’m not a judge, and pageants are subjective. I think that that to represent an entire state in such a position as a titleholder is a unique destiny. BUT, participating in them brings me more confidence. Pageantry, for me, is about the drive behind the preparation. I’ve pushed myself harder, lately, than I ever have (and by that I definitely mean Box Jumps). The determination is something that is only backed up by the endless support of so many people who believe in me. That is a big tidbit that I don’t think I could ever take for granted. Community is important, and drive is important. These two things trump (lol bc it’s the USA system) any pretty gown.
I don’t know, but something in me believes that if I can be worthy of being called to approach the throne of grace with confidence, then being called to confidently approach a judges’ table can’t be that difficult.