WOW! There’s been a lot of change since I was last tippy-tapping out something for you guys. Happy New Year! I’m glad to be back here with a little New Year update.
If you remember, the last time I was REALLY active on my socials was right around the time we went to Disney World in Orlando. (Remember? Because two weeks before that, I was in San Diego to visit my friend and visit Disneyland! What a time to be alive.)
And there’s a good reason for that, for sure.
While we were in Disney World, my Natural Cycles app kept chiming, telling me it was a “great day to take a pregnancy test!” — seriously? While we were in line for Tron or Guardians of the Galaxy, my app would chime, and we would swipe it away and refresh the Lightening Lane options. Of course, Shawn and I kind of laughed it off, but secretly (and out loud) I was thinking “What if this is really it?”
When we got home from Disney World, I slept off the trauma that was inflicted on my body from the 60+ miles we had walked in 4 days. But the next morning, I took the last pregnancy test that I had hidden away in my drawer. It was positive!?!?! I called Shawn in to look at it, and I am really glad I didn’t record our reaction because we truly just stared at that little test and repeated the word “yep” back and forth to each other while we side-hugged. We knew it was still early, and I just spent an entire 4 days in Disney making jokes about “Baby’s First Drink Around the World”. The news wasn’t really sinking in. Is this real? I had questions.
I beelined to my mom’s house. I showed her a picture of the test I had taken half an hour prior, and she leaped up out of her seat and did a little dance that I had NEVER seen her do before, and we both cried. This was a lot for the family. Obviously, I swore her to secrecy until we were ready to tell the news to everyone. (If you know our family, you know the word can travel fast)
First grandchild.
First great-grandchild.
First baby!!
This is all too much. The news physically could not sink into my brain. I journaled, I privately vlogged (AKA just recorded myself talking to myself because I saw Savvy Shields do that once). I confided in close friends. But I couldn’t wrap my mind around this next chapter of my life.
Then we saw the little heartbeat. And it became a little more real.
Then we planned METICULOUSLY how we were going to tell our friends and family. And it became a little more real.
Then EVERYONE close to us knew. And it became a little more real.
Then we found out we were having a baby boy. And then it became a little more real.
Then we shared the news of our SON with our family. And it became a little more real.
And then we shared the news online. And now it’s never felt more real than it does to type out how everything went down for you.
I’ve had a fairly uneventful pregnancy so far— if you don’t count the irreparable damage the roof of my mouth has undergone with the number of Sour Skittles I consume weekly. The first trimester almost drained every ounce of my energy from me, but the second trimester came in with a ZAP of life, thank God. I could finally make it through most days without needing a nap. Now, 16 weeks in, I feel fine, except that I want to eat pretty much constantly. I’ve never felt a hunger like this in my life, and I know this must be where at least a portion of the weight gain will come from (popcorn dipped in vanilla ice cream makes a great appetizer, btw).
I could go into details about the gymnastics my brain does around trying to predict what it’s going to be like as my belly grows bigger. Or as we search with crossed fingers for a home fit for our growing family. Or a number of other things. But mostly, after a sweet 16-week appointment this morning where I got to hear his little heartbeat, I’m so excited to meet him!
I spend so much time wondering who he’ll be! Shawn and I are searching for a name that will fit this little stranger who’s growing inside me (which is a task in itself). I can’t wait to learn about him as he learns about himself and helps him navigate this world. There’s a list of things I want him to learn and know. There’s a responsibility to raise a man in this world, and I’ve been praying and drawing near to God like I never have before in my life because I want to be a mom who will raise a good boy and a good man!
So as I was choosing a word of the year, I considered the year ahead and chose: “grace”. For a lot of reasons. Mainly, I want to exude more grace in the way I treat others and myself. For others, I want to be a person who looks for the best in them. I want to be gentler in my approach and less aggressive in some of my interactions. When people look at me, I hope they see the grace of Jesus.
For myself, I’m going through a lot of changes this year. There are a lot of new things that I’m learning and a lot of new changes that my body is going through. As I grow and learn, I want to give myself the grace to be a beginner at motherhood. I want to give myself the grace to change my mind if some previously held thoughts and opinions don’t ring as true as they used to. In all, I couldn’t think of a better theme to live by this year, the year we welcome our son to this earth, than grace.